Dating Mistake #1: Forcing It

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Dating in this day and age has lost a lot of its charm from previous decades. I won’t rehash the hows and whys here, because they have already been presented in great detail in the Dating in 2017 article. But what if I told you that a lot of the things both men and women are doing wrong are easily avoidable? This is the entire theme behind what I am calling the Dating Mistakes Series – a series of blog posts that will help you avoid the big no-no’s that take you from potential couple to permanently friend zoned.

One of the scariest periods of dating is that almost period. It’s the period where you have kind of sort of gotten to know each other, but aren’t yet dating or a thing…the dreaded limbo. There is definite flirting going on, definitely hinting at something that could be. But maybe he or she isn’t asking you out or making the next move to take it from flirty friends to something real.

First of all, one must learn to appreciate this period of time. This is the period of time that comes with a ton of excitement. You have something to look forward to: a bunch of cute, flirty moments. Everything is up in the air and you don’t know what’s going to happen, or when it’s going to happen. There is something beautiful in that, and that tends to get missed. Why? Because of expectations and impatience.

I see women make this mistake way more often than I see men make this mistake. There could be valid reasons behind that – after all, we do have those cursed biological clocks that are ticking away, reminding us of our mortality and of the limited time we have in bearing children. There is also the occasional familial pressure to marry. When our families get tired of pressuring us to marry, they often resort to downright mean jokes that we’ll wind up lonely with a bunch of cats and a weekly ogle of our future poolboy Gustavo will be the extent of our sex lives. By stark contrast, men have significantly more time than we do when it comes to being able to being able to naturally contribute to the conception of children. While they definitely get familial pressure to marry, the hounding doesn’t usually start quite early as it does for us ladies.

But that is neither here nor there. When we women see a man we like and we get to know him, and he’s amazing, everything in us screams that we want to have him now. There are those cute, flirty moments, and those shared glances, and the brushing up against each other, and inside jokes, and we think to ourselves, We might as well be dating…so why aren’t we dating? We get along so well, we have the same sense of humor and like the same kinds of movies, so why isn’t he asking me out? Or… We’ve hung out a few times, but he let’s so much time lapse between when we hang out?

Something that women might want to realize is that men love the early flirting stages. They like those cute, flirty moments, they like not knowing what’s going to happen next, and they like the chase. Sound familiar? So many dating articles have attempted to knock us over the top of the head with this message but when it comes to a true crushing situation, we fail to reach back into the cobweb-riddled corners of our mind and remember, Hey – he probably hasn’t asked me out yet because he likes this whole flirty dance that we have going on.

Mind you, there could be other reasons why he isn’t asking you out. He could have a girlfriend, he could be more focused on his career and getting his life together – because there are tons of men out there who would prefer to have his career and life together before settling down. Another important tidbit of information. If you two work together, he could be trying to take things slow, to gauge your levels of crazy. If you two started dating and it didn’t work out, are you the type of woman who would key his car and slash his tires the minute you hear he’s dating someone else? Or maybe he doesn’t believe in dating co-workers at all. There could be a valid reason as to why he’s not asking you out, but for the sake of this article we are going to assume that he likes you as much as you like him, and he is interested in having something more with you.

Men like those early flirty stages, and the truth of the matter is that a lot of us could learn from men in this regard. We should love the early flirty stages, too. Let’s separate from the mantra of I need a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend, I hate being single, and open our eyes to the man we are flirting with. This is the period when we really get to know him, what he finds funny, what pisses him off, how cute he can be, how much of a dick he can be. Instead of obsessing over claiming him, how about opening up yourself to really getting to know him? How about giving him the chance to charm you so much that you’d be willing to give up the freedom of being single, just because he is that amazing?

When you have a carefree, flirty friendship with someone, do not taint the experience by putting a bunch of pressure onto yourselves. Don’t set up expectations that he will be asking you out within the next few weeks, because that is setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t scheme and obsess about trying to get him to ask you out either, because now you are erring on the side of manipulation. Do not attempt to force a relationship in any way, because that is one of the quickest ways to take you from potential girlfriend to permanently friend zoned.

Relationships should happen naturally, organically. The two of you should gravitate towards each other, maybe due to physical attraction initially – then due to shared interests. Once you get a feel for each others’ humor is when you can begin exchanging jokes, light teasing, and banter. Allow that friendship/relationship to grow on its own while you continue to live your life and better yourself. Because there is nothing sexier or more attractive than a woman with her own life, own goals, own interests, who is on a consistent quest of bettering herself.

You don’t have to trick a man into asking you out. When he sees your natural glow and happiness, your passions, your sense of humor, your sensual side, and your caring side, and your ability to go with the flow…it will only be a matter of time.

Does He Like Me?

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Many of us are smart enough to know that the best way of us determining whether or not someone likes us is to ask the person whether or not they like us. This often doesn’t stop us from analyzing and breaking down every single interaction in an attempt to figure out whether or not we’ve caught the interest of someone we like, though. Some situations also make the outright asking tactic a bit risky, such as your interest being a co-worker, or someone that you have a class with.

There are many websites that will touch on this topic, as it is a topic of interest to many people. At one time or another in our lives, we have asked ourselves, Does he like me? Does she like me? There are signs that would lead you to believe one way or the other. The sad fact is you could still be wrong. No matter how many signs match up, actions can always be up to interpretation. People often project their own feelings to another person, because they want that person to like them so badly. While I’m going to go over some of these signs, a point that I will spell out here and after the signs are listed, is that you need to be wary of obsessing over the interactions you have with someone you’re interested in. In order to build a strong connection with someone, you have to pay attention to what he or she is saying to you. You have to be alert enough to respond in your trademark funny or quirky way. If you are too busy analyzing everything that he or she is doing or saying, you are focusing on the wrong things. We will come back to this point later.

What you most likely came to this article for, are signs that someone is interested in you:

1. Does this person make an effort to be around you? When someone is genuinely interested in you, they will make attempts to see you. In work and school settings, seeing you is going to be a given. But take this into account: does he frequently spend time at your desk that he doesn’t have to? Do you find yourself bumping into him a lot? Does he call you over to his desk for reasons that could have otherwise been avoided? And since we are sometimes dealing with people who don’t work in a close vicinity as us, do they stop by the work office when they could have avoided it? If so, these are signs that this person may be interested. Just think about it – when you like someone, you want to see them, hear them, interact with them. Sometimes we do silly and stupid things just to achieve this.

2. Does this person often initiate contact with you? In work settings, be mindful of the fact that someone who is interested in you may tone down their level of contact, for the sake of not making you feel comfortable. But if you find this person asking questions you know they know the answer to, or could easily find the answer to, or if you find this person calling you/texting you/emailing you just to chit chat, this is an indication the person could be into you.

3. Does this person treat you differently than they treat everyone else? This is a big indicator. Maybe this person is shy and quiet, but is a charismatic jokester around you. Or maybe they’re known to be a class clown, but get shy around you. Maybe this person avoids contact with most people in the office at all costs, but never seems to mind chatting it up with you, in person or via phone. Maybe co-workers have complained that he never returns their calls or e-mails, but he’s always quick to respond to you. All strong signs of interest.

4. Does he show an interest in your interests? There was once a co-worker who found out that I’d published a few books. As a way of surprising me, he bought one off of Amazon and brought it into the office for me to sign. Granted, I had copies of the books on my desk for co-workers to buy. But instead of that, he went out of his way to purchase the book from Amazon. It was one of the most touching things anyone has done for me, as my own family was a bit slow to support my writing dream. An action like this could just be a sign that someone wants friendship from you, as are many of these signs. This is why it’s important to take a lot of these signs with a grain of salt, for the sake of not misreading intentions. But if someone consistently shows an interest in your hobbies or goals, then at the very least, they want to be friends with you.

5.Does this person seem to remember every little detail about you? You mentioned your favorite alcoholic drink to him months ago, and he still remembers it. You mentioned that you intend to go to back to school, and he brings it up again in conversation. Or you hint at wanting to move out of state, and he asks you about it later down the line to get an idea of when you might want to move. Another potential sign that he or she has an interest.

6. Does this person seem to know information about you that you haven’t even told him? This is kind of an important one. And it’s important that it happens more than once, because in a closed environment like school or work, people are going to talk. Information is going to travel. Him knowing information you haven’t told him, once in a blue moon, alone is not a strong indicator. But if this seems to be happening quite frequently, and he is retaining the information and remembering it to the point of bringing it up to you in conversation, that is a strong indicator that he has feelings for you. More than that, it is an indicator that he might be asking around about you and deliberately seeking out this information.

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7. Do you have inside jokes with this person? Do you call each other nicknames or lightly tease each other? When someone you both don’t like walks past, are you exchanging knowing looks to each other? Does he or she try to make you laugh? This is another sign that could just be indicative of friendship, because this sign is mainly pointing to the fact that you two have a deep connection.

8. Does this person flirt with you? An important sign. Do you playfully tease each other? Or drop sexual innuendos in conversation? Throw each other flirty smiles, or flirty looks? Touch each other affectionately, in a flirtatious way? Consider the fact that there are some people out there who are natural flirts. In these cases, scratch this off as being a sign of interest – flirting is just a part of their nature. But if you are observant and note that he or she doesn’t really flirt with anyone else, and definitely not to the level they flirt with you, then this could be a sign.

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9. Body language. You can’t read an article like this without escaping the body language topic. Does he maintain eye contact when speaking to you? Does he blush when he sees you or when you flirt with him? Does he position his hands near his belt, pockets, or waist, and stand with his chest puffed out and back straight? Does his feet point towards you, even when you are speaking in a group setting? Does he raise his hand and touch his lips, run his hand through his hair, smooth down his tie, or adjust anything else about his appearance when he sees you? Does he smile at you a lot? Do you catch him staring? Does the person lean close to you when talking to you? When someone else says something or makes a joke, is he looking your way to see how you react? Does he raise his eyebrows for a moment? Does he have dilated pupils when looking at you? All good signs.

10. Nervousness. Is there stuttering and stammering involved? It’s worth it to mention blushing here, too. Does he or she blush whenever you’re around? Are there awkward pauses in your conversation where it feels like you both want to say something else to keep the conversation going, but can’t think of anything? Even some of the most confident, cocky guys can get nervous around the girl or woman they really like.

11. Does this person make a habit of touching you? In school and work settings, the level of touching is going to be limited. But does this person touch your shoulder when standing near you, reviewing a report? Or stand behind you while leaning close enough to you, to feel that he is in your personal space? When he hands you a pencil in class, does his hand linger for a minute longer than it has to? Or does he playfully tap you on top of the head with a nearby object? All of these are signs that a person is interested.

12. Does this person defend you? Whether you’re in school or at work, does this person stand up for you? Make sure that your teacher or manager knows how hard you work when the opportunity arises? Take the blame for something that could have easily been your fault? Or not blaming you when something could be perceived as being your fault? This is another important one – especially in the workforce. In the workforce, someone taking the blame for your mistake could wind up making him look bad. If he or she is willing to put themselves on the line for the sake of clearing your name, that is a pretty big deal. In general, people tend to risk their own reputation for the sake of protecting those they care about.

13. Does this person try to help you whenever they can? You work together, and you are supposed to carry a certain workload. Does he or she offer to take some of the work off of your hands? If you have questions do they let you know they’re available whenever you need them, and help? Be careful when considering this as being a sign, because sometimes the person is just being nice and considerate. But if you find that they aren’t really offering anyone else to help with their workload, and they are offering to help you, then this could definitely be a sign of interest.

14. Does he do the humble brag around you? Is he bragging about his car, or the house he just bought, or showing you what his house looks like, or talking himself up like he has all of these major connections? Not in an annoying or obnoxious way, just a few little slips here and there? Some men just like to brag and show off. Others who do this, are doing this as a way of impressing you. And if he’s trying to impress you in any way, this means on some level, he cares what you think about him.

15. Does he compliment you? I have read plenty of articles listing signs of interest and for this particular sign, there is something I wanted to make note of. Most sites will tell you that if someone compliments your looks, they could be interested. And this is a true statement. But compliments regarding your looks are discouraged in the workplace, since it can be interpreted as inappropriate. For this reason, many men and women deliberately tone down their compliments, even for someone they really like. Sure, they might compliment a haircut or a shirt or dress you’re wearing, but many won’t just come outright and say you’re “pretty” or “hot,” for fear of being punished for it. In these cases, when someone really likes you, they may compliment on something a lot more safe – such as your work performance, or your input on a project, or might recommend you to take lead on a project. They talk you up every chance they get, both when you’re aware and behind the scenes, if they have an in with a manager.

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16. Does he invite you out, or say you should both check out a certain band or venue? Even if the person is inviting you out in a group setting, it doesn’t matter – the fact that they are including you is positive. If this person wants to spend time with you outside of work, that speaks major volumes. It especially speaks volumes if they let you know they’re going to plan something, and then follow up and let you know the when and where. These days, a lot of guys tend to let plans fall through the cracks or dump the responsibility of the planning up to the woman. I have a high level of respect for a man who shows enough interest to follow through, from conceptualizing the hangout to actually planning it out and setting it up.

17. Does he express an interest in hanging out with you one-on-one? This could mean sitting together at lunch in the cafeteria, or grabbing lunch outside of work or school. This could mean hanging out after work and grabbing dinner or drinks. Work topics will come up but if you find natural conversation flowing to non-work or non-school topics, this is a good sign.

18. Does he try to feel out what your relationship status is? And some guys are smart with this. Especially in a work setting where they don’t want to make things awkward, they’ll find sly little ways of determining whether you’re dating someone. You might take a week off from work, and he might playfully joke, “So, who did you go to Vegas with? You didn’t elope, did you?” Or if you’re moving into a new apartment, he might subtly ask, “Are you moving in with a roommate?” For a company picnic, he might ask, “Are you bringing anyone with you? I’m still trying to decide who to bring.” If you have an open office plan and he sits near you, he might not even have to ask these things. Co-workers often talk, and little clues and information are dropped in everyday conversation.

19. Does he try to align his schedule with yours? You come in early, he comes in early. You stay late, he stays late. You take lunch together sometimes, or at least, he leaves for lunch the same time as you. In a school setting, he might check to see which classes you’re taking in a given semester so he can take some of the same classes. This is an indication that you being in his class or at work with him makes it more fun and enjoyable.

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20. Jealousy/Competitive Edge. This is a touchy one. Let’s take a guy who has been nothing but sweet, kind, and generous to you. He has looked out for you, and teases you on occasion, but you haven’t seen him be mean to anyone – at least, not often enough for you to associate meanness with his personality. Then you make one nice remark about another guy at the office. Maybe you say he works hard, or he said something funny. And this person who has been nothing but kind to you goes off a little. Not much, but enough to slight the person you complimented. “He sucks, he doesn’t work hard at all. He messes up everything.” Or maybe he finds some other way to express that he doesn’t like the person, or thinks lowly of the person – or maybe his reaction is much more subtle. Maybe he just makes an expression of distaste and changes the subject. Possessiveness, in doses, can be cute. He doesn’t want you finding other guys in the office funny, doesn’t want you thinking highly of them. He wants you to be thinking of him only. As long as he doesn’t get out of control with it, this quality can be kind of cute.

21. Does this person pay attention to any other women or girls? Or does he mention them? Hugely important. If a man is interested in you, he wouldn’t want to give any impression that he has his eyes on someone else. He wouldn’t want to mess up his chances and give the wrong impression to you. Mentioning an ex from years ago might be his only mention of women in a romantic sense. If his gaze lingers on another woman that walks by, and for longer than a beat (men appreciate beauty so sometimes they can’t help but glance), or if he is talking about other women he’s pursuing, that is a red flag that he is not interested in you romantically. He may be interested in being friends with you and may value your opinion. If whenever you and he are in each other’s presence, it seems like other women don’t even exist to him – that is a good sign.

22. Does this person respect you? How do we even define respect, in the scope of interest? Maybe it seems like they’re trying to be as courteous and gentlemanly as possible. Offering to carry something for you, opening doors for you, speaking to you in a respectful manner – waiting to determine your comfortability level before dropping perverted jokes on you, not cursing in your presence unless he knows it doesn’t bother you, things of that nature. If you find that this person is attempting to be the best version of themselves, then that is an indication that they care what you think. Caring what you think is an indication that they care about you.

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23. Does this person all of a sudden start dressing better? On your first day, he might be dressed as casually as the company will allow him to be. On your second and third days of work, you notice that his wardrobe has done a complete 180 turn, and now he’s dressing nicer, making sure his hair is neat. When it comes to a sign like this, it’s important to note that if you start on Casual Friday, and are comparing that to what he wears on Monday of next week, then this isn’t a sign. You might just be looking at his casual duds versus his more formal duds. But if Monday-Thursday he dresses casual and then following week he dresses nice every single day…and even dresses up his Casual Friday look…then that might be a sign of interest.

24. Does the person miss you when you aren’t there? This question is kind of self-explanatory, but if you return after a day off or vacation and they mention missing you while you were gone…that is definitely a sign you’re important to them. Some people have more casual ways of expressing this, such as, “You’re never allowed to go on vacation again.” Any indication of missing you though, could possibly be a sign.

25. Everyone else thinks he’s a jerk, but he’s nice to you. I was never one to care what other people think – especially after seeing who they truly were over time. But if several people feel that the guy who might be into you is a complete jerk, but he’s nothing but nice and helpful to you, this could be a sign that he is into you.

26. They laugh at your jokes. Even if they didn’t like you at first, if you’re able to make someone laugh, have a good time, and forget about life’s stresses, someone could grow to like you over time – which is another point I’ll be going over later in this article.

27. Does this person support your decisions and goals? Briefly covered in another section. But if this person is your biggest cheerleader, and supports your decision, even if its at their own expense, that is a sign that they care about you.

28. Does this person lean on you for emotional support or confide in you? We women tend to lean and sometimes we confide. By nature, we are great communicators and expressive of our feelings. But when a man opens up to you, talks to you about how he feels – about just about anything, it’s a big deal. He is showing you that he trusts you, values your opinion, or at least your ability to be a good listener. When a man opens up to you, especially a grown man in his upper twenties, thirties, forties, and older, don’t take it lightly. The same goes for him talking about his personal life, and things he might be dealing with on a personal level.

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29. Does this person try to cheer you up when you’re down? This is something that friends do, so this one could just be indicative of friendship. It’s also indicative of a deep connection, though, so it’s worth mentioning. If someone goes out of their way to try to cheer you up, you are important to them. They care about you. They want to see you happy.

30. Does the connection you have with this person feel strong, deep, and organic? There have been some friendships and relationships in the past that might have felt a little forced. Or maybe it felt like they only came to be because you and someone else were in the right place, at the right time in your lives. But with this person, the connection feels like it’s on a deeper level. You feel like you have an understanding and appreciation for each other that is completely organic. Minus the initial few conversations, your conversations grow easier on time, your joking and teasing with each other become like a second nature, and your support of each other automatic…

…Which brings me to one point that I wanted to emphasize. Rather than analyzing about whether or not someone likes you, spend your time and energy getting to know who they are as a person. If you were wondering this about a person you’ve already known and been friends with for years, then you more than anyone else besides him, should know whether or not he’s giving off vibes that he likes you.

Usually a guy will have no qualms with letting a girl know that he’s into him. There are some environments that will prohibit this a bit. Work being a major one. There are definite potential downsides to dating someone you work with. For this reason it can be difficult to read someone’s intentions with you, since they may want to disguise their feelings for you as to not make your work lives awkward or uncomfortable. We must remember that if we are sitting around agonizing over whether or not someone likes us, they could be doing the very same thing – trying to break down your actions and whether or not you like them. Keeping this in mind will help to ease and calm some of your nerves. One of the best pieces of advice that I’ve read in my research has been to assume that they like you already. This will allow you to take so much focus out of analyzing their behavior and allow you to be the carefree, happy, fun-loving person that drew the person to you in the first place. Despite me advising that, some of you will continue to analyze. You just can’t help it. To those people, I say…

After reading this list, try to make note of the different items on the list that apply, and weigh them – but also keep in mind that a lot of the items on this list point towards someone caring about you. That could be as friends, or more. And even if they only want friendship from you now, they could always want more later – if you are in the present, here and now, showing them who you are in all of your adorable, fun, quirky, smart, at times dorky glory.

Kfir Ochaion: The Extremely Talented Guitarist Taking Over Youtube

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Meet Kfir Ochaion, the electric guitarist slowly taking over Youtube day by day. His channel has over 150,000 subscribers and every video he uploads hits at least 100k  views and more.

In his words “I use the guitar strings as vocal cords, capturing the human voice with my fingers,” and we haven’t seen anything more accurate. We personally discovered him while searching Youtube drowning in our own tears looking for covers of Prince songs on the day of Prince’s death. Kfir covered “Purple Rain” and we was absolutely amazed. Did we say we cried?

Watch the beautiful cover below :

After seeing that cover and listening to his music we emailed him to do a interview and guess what? He said yes.

Check out the interview below:

TBC: First off I want to thank you for taking the time out your day to talk with us today. We truly appreciate it.
I want to start off by saying that you are truly gifted. I’m sure you’ve been playing a long time. Tell us, when and why did you start playing the guitar ? And does your family have a musical background ?
Kfir: Thank you so much!
I’ve always been attracted to the sound of the guitar and the electric guitar in specific.
I remember myself as a little kid listening to songs like Hotel California, Dazed in Confused and other classic rock songs and felt each guitar solo burning through my bones.One specific solo that really touched me was of the song I Put A Spell On You by Creedence Clearwater Revival and this is the one song that really drove me to play the guitar. My father bought me my first guitar when I was 10 years old. It was a cheap Samick nylon strings guitar but it was so precious to me.
There’s no musical background in my family.
TBC: Just merely being on your page, one can tell that you are inspired by multiple genres of music. Which one speaks to you the most? 
Kfir: I love music. Every genre of it. My main influence is classic rock but I love everything from Baroque through Metal to electronic.
But it is gotta be a good one 🙂
TBC: I see the legend Slash is following you on Instagram. Tell us how did this happen, how you felt etc. Have you met each other?
Kfir: Yes he is!
It was such a nice surprise and I’m very honoured that he is following me. After all he’s one of my biggest idols.
We’ve never met, really hope we will some day.
Which other famous musicians or guitarist’s have you learned the most from?
Kfir :There are so many. From each one I try to take something and put it in my style.
Ritchie Blackmore is one of my main influencers. His playing style in Deep Purple era is very close to what I have in my head as the perfect guitar soloing. Other main influencers are: Jimmy Page, Mark Knopfler, David Gilmour, Slash, Al Di Meola and many more.
You post a lot of videos of you just playing the guitar in your home. It’s clear practice is the key of awesome guitar playing. Any advice for beginners like how long to practice a day & what genre of music is the easiest to learn first or practice?
Kfir: Practice is the key.
The more you practice – The better.
There’s no specific genre that is better to practice to.
Most important thing is to enjoy while doing it.
We have to ask was there any hard or tricky parts when you first started to play the guitar?
Kfir:
Most starts aren’t easy.
I had to struggle at first to make a chord sound right.
I also had really crappy gear when I first started and that didn’t make it easy, but I am thankful for what I had.
I personally first discovered you through a Prince cover of one of his classic hits “Purple Rain”. It was absolutely mind blowing. Tell us, how long did that cover take? Did you have tabs or was this all by ear? And what’s your favorite Prince song?

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