Many of us are smart enough to know that the best way of us determining whether or not someone likes us is to ask the person whether or not they like us. This often doesn’t stop us from analyzing and breaking down every single interaction in an attempt to figure out whether or not we’ve caught the interest of someone we like, though. Some situations also make the outright asking tactic a bit risky, such as your interest being a co-worker, or someone that you have a class with.
There are many websites that will touch on this topic, as it is a topic of interest to many people. At one time or another in our lives, we have asked ourselves, Does he like me? Does she like me? There are signs that would lead you to believe one way or the other. The sad fact is you could still be wrong. No matter how many signs match up, actions can always be up to interpretation. People often project their own feelings to another person, because they want that person to like them so badly. While I’m going to go over some of these signs, a point that I will spell out here and after the signs are listed, is that you need to be wary of obsessing over the interactions you have with someone you’re interested in. In order to build a strong connection with someone, you have to pay attention to what he or she is saying to you. You have to be alert enough to respond in your trademark funny or quirky way. If you are too busy analyzing everything that he or she is doing or saying, you are focusing on the wrong things. We will come back to this point later.
What you most likely came to this article for, are signs that someone is interested in you:
1. Does this person make an effort to be around you? When someone is genuinely interested in you, they will make attempts to see you. In work and school settings, seeing you is going to be a given. But take this into account: does he frequently spend time at your desk that he doesn’t have to? Do you find yourself bumping into him a lot? Does he call you over to his desk for reasons that could have otherwise been avoided? And since we are sometimes dealing with people who don’t work in a close vicinity as us, do they stop by the work office when they could have avoided it? If so, these are signs that this person may be interested. Just think about it – when you like someone, you want to see them, hear them, interact with them. Sometimes we do silly and stupid things just to achieve this.
2. Does this person often initiate contact with you? In work settings, be mindful of the fact that someone who is interested in you may tone down their level of contact, for the sake of not making you feel comfortable. But if you find this person asking questions you know they know the answer to, or could easily find the answer to, or if you find this person calling you/texting you/emailing you just to chit chat, this is an indication the person could be into you.
3. Does this person treat you differently than they treat everyone else? This is a big indicator. Maybe this person is shy and quiet, but is a charismatic jokester around you. Or maybe they’re known to be a class clown, but get shy around you. Maybe this person avoids contact with most people in the office at all costs, but never seems to mind chatting it up with you, in person or via phone. Maybe co-workers have complained that he never returns their calls or e-mails, but he’s always quick to respond to you. All strong signs of interest.
4. Does he show an interest in your interests? There was once a co-worker who found out that I’d published a few books. As a way of surprising me, he bought one off of Amazon and brought it into the office for me to sign. Granted, I had copies of the books on my desk for co-workers to buy. But instead of that, he went out of his way to purchase the book from Amazon. It was one of the most touching things anyone has done for me, as my own family was a bit slow to support my writing dream. An action like this could just be a sign that someone wants friendship from you, as are many of these signs. This is why it’s important to take a lot of these signs with a grain of salt, for the sake of not misreading intentions. But if someone consistently shows an interest in your hobbies or goals, then at the very least, they want to be friends with you.
5.Does this person seem to remember every little detail about you? You mentioned your favorite alcoholic drink to him months ago, and he still remembers it. You mentioned that you intend to go to back to school, and he brings it up again in conversation. Or you hint at wanting to move out of state, and he asks you about it later down the line to get an idea of when you might want to move. Another potential sign that he or she has an interest.
6. Does this person seem to know information about you that you haven’t even told him? This is kind of an important one. And it’s important that it happens more than once, because in a closed environment like school or work, people are going to talk. Information is going to travel. Him knowing information you haven’t told him, once in a blue moon, alone is not a strong indicator. But if this seems to be happening quite frequently, and he is retaining the information and remembering it to the point of bringing it up to you in conversation, that is a strong indicator that he has feelings for you. More than that, it is an indicator that he might be asking around about you and deliberately seeking out this information.
7. Do you have inside jokes with this person? Do you call each other nicknames or lightly tease each other? When someone you both don’t like walks past, are you exchanging knowing looks to each other? Does he or she try to make you laugh? This is another sign that could just be indicative of friendship, because this sign is mainly pointing to the fact that you two have a deep connection.
8. Does this person flirt with you? An important sign. Do you playfully tease each other? Or drop sexual innuendos in conversation? Throw each other flirty smiles, or flirty looks? Touch each other affectionately, in a flirtatious way? Consider the fact that there are some people out there who are natural flirts. In these cases, scratch this off as being a sign of interest – flirting is just a part of their nature. But if you are observant and note that he or she doesn’t really flirt with anyone else, and definitely not to the level they flirt with you, then this could be a sign.
9. Body language. You can’t read an article like this without escaping the body language topic. Does he maintain eye contact when speaking to you? Does he blush when he sees you or when you flirt with him? Does he position his hands near his belt, pockets, or waist, and stand with his chest puffed out and back straight? Does his feet point towards you, even when you are speaking in a group setting? Does he raise his hand and touch his lips, run his hand through his hair, smooth down his tie, or adjust anything else about his appearance when he sees you? Does he smile at you a lot? Do you catch him staring? Does the person lean close to you when talking to you? When someone else says something or makes a joke, is he looking your way to see how you react? Does he raise his eyebrows for a moment? Does he have dilated pupils when looking at you? All good signs.
10. Nervousness. Is there stuttering and stammering involved? It’s worth it to mention blushing here, too. Does he or she blush whenever you’re around? Are there awkward pauses in your conversation where it feels like you both want to say something else to keep the conversation going, but can’t think of anything? Even some of the most confident, cocky guys can get nervous around the girl or woman they really like.
11. Does this person make a habit of touching you? In school and work settings, the level of touching is going to be limited. But does this person touch your shoulder when standing near you, reviewing a report? Or stand behind you while leaning close enough to you, to feel that he is in your personal space? When he hands you a pencil in class, does his hand linger for a minute longer than it has to? Or does he playfully tap you on top of the head with a nearby object? All of these are signs that a person is interested.
12. Does this person defend you? Whether you’re in school or at work, does this person stand up for you? Make sure that your teacher or manager knows how hard you work when the opportunity arises? Take the blame for something that could have easily been your fault? Or not blaming you when something could be perceived as being your fault? This is another important one – especially in the workforce. In the workforce, someone taking the blame for your mistake could wind up making him look bad. If he or she is willing to put themselves on the line for the sake of clearing your name, that is a pretty big deal. In general, people tend to risk their own reputation for the sake of protecting those they care about.
13. Does this person try to help you whenever they can? You work together, and you are supposed to carry a certain workload. Does he or she offer to take some of the work off of your hands? If you have questions do they let you know they’re available whenever you need them, and help? Be careful when considering this as being a sign, because sometimes the person is just being nice and considerate. But if you find that they aren’t really offering anyone else to help with their workload, and they are offering to help you, then this could definitely be a sign of interest.
14. Does he do the humble brag around you? Is he bragging about his car, or the house he just bought, or showing you what his house looks like, or talking himself up like he has all of these major connections? Not in an annoying or obnoxious way, just a few little slips here and there? Some men just like to brag and show off. Others who do this, are doing this as a way of impressing you. And if he’s trying to impress you in any way, this means on some level, he cares what you think about him.
15. Does he compliment you? I have read plenty of articles listing signs of interest and for this particular sign, there is something I wanted to make note of. Most sites will tell you that if someone compliments your looks, they could be interested. And this is a true statement. But compliments regarding your looks are discouraged in the workplace, since it can be interpreted as inappropriate. For this reason, many men and women deliberately tone down their compliments, even for someone they really like. Sure, they might compliment a haircut or a shirt or dress you’re wearing, but many won’t just come outright and say you’re “pretty” or “hot,” for fear of being punished for it. In these cases, when someone really likes you, they may compliment on something a lot more safe – such as your work performance, or your input on a project, or might recommend you to take lead on a project. They talk you up every chance they get, both when you’re aware and behind the scenes, if they have an in with a manager.
16. Does he invite you out, or say you should both check out a certain band or venue? Even if the person is inviting you out in a group setting, it doesn’t matter – the fact that they are including you is positive. If this person wants to spend time with you outside of work, that speaks major volumes. It especially speaks volumes if they let you know they’re going to plan something, and then follow up and let you know the when and where. These days, a lot of guys tend to let plans fall through the cracks or dump the responsibility of the planning up to the woman. I have a high level of respect for a man who shows enough interest to follow through, from conceptualizing the hangout to actually planning it out and setting it up.
17. Does he express an interest in hanging out with you one-on-one? This could mean sitting together at lunch in the cafeteria, or grabbing lunch outside of work or school. This could mean hanging out after work and grabbing dinner or drinks. Work topics will come up but if you find natural conversation flowing to non-work or non-school topics, this is a good sign.
18. Does he try to feel out what your relationship status is? And some guys are smart with this. Especially in a work setting where they don’t want to make things awkward, they’ll find sly little ways of determining whether you’re dating someone. You might take a week off from work, and he might playfully joke, “So, who did you go to Vegas with? You didn’t elope, did you?” Or if you’re moving into a new apartment, he might subtly ask, “Are you moving in with a roommate?” For a company picnic, he might ask, “Are you bringing anyone with you? I’m still trying to decide who to bring.” If you have an open office plan and he sits near you, he might not even have to ask these things. Co-workers often talk, and little clues and information are dropped in everyday conversation.
19. Does he try to align his schedule with yours? You come in early, he comes in early. You stay late, he stays late. You take lunch together sometimes, or at least, he leaves for lunch the same time as you. In a school setting, he might check to see which classes you’re taking in a given semester so he can take some of the same classes. This is an indication that you being in his class or at work with him makes it more fun and enjoyable.
20. Jealousy/Competitive Edge. This is a touchy one. Let’s take a guy who has been nothing but sweet, kind, and generous to you. He has looked out for you, and teases you on occasion, but you haven’t seen him be mean to anyone – at least, not often enough for you to associate meanness with his personality. Then you make one nice remark about another guy at the office. Maybe you say he works hard, or he said something funny. And this person who has been nothing but kind to you goes off a little. Not much, but enough to slight the person you complimented. “He sucks, he doesn’t work hard at all. He messes up everything.” Or maybe he finds some other way to express that he doesn’t like the person, or thinks lowly of the person – or maybe his reaction is much more subtle. Maybe he just makes an expression of distaste and changes the subject. Possessiveness, in doses, can be cute. He doesn’t want you finding other guys in the office funny, doesn’t want you thinking highly of them. He wants you to be thinking of him only. As long as he doesn’t get out of control with it, this quality can be kind of cute.
21. Does this person pay attention to any other women or girls? Or does he mention them? Hugely important. If a man is interested in you, he wouldn’t want to give any impression that he has his eyes on someone else. He wouldn’t want to mess up his chances and give the wrong impression to you. Mentioning an ex from years ago might be his only mention of women in a romantic sense. If his gaze lingers on another woman that walks by, and for longer than a beat (men appreciate beauty so sometimes they can’t help but glance), or if he is talking about other women he’s pursuing, that is a red flag that he is not interested in you romantically. He may be interested in being friends with you and may value your opinion. If whenever you and he are in each other’s presence, it seems like other women don’t even exist to him – that is a good sign.
22. Does this person respect you? How do we even define respect, in the scope of interest? Maybe it seems like they’re trying to be as courteous and gentlemanly as possible. Offering to carry something for you, opening doors for you, speaking to you in a respectful manner – waiting to determine your comfortability level before dropping perverted jokes on you, not cursing in your presence unless he knows it doesn’t bother you, things of that nature. If you find that this person is attempting to be the best version of themselves, then that is an indication that they care what you think. Caring what you think is an indication that they care about you.
23. Does this person all of a sudden start dressing better? On your first day, he might be dressed as casually as the company will allow him to be. On your second and third days of work, you notice that his wardrobe has done a complete 180 turn, and now he’s dressing nicer, making sure his hair is neat. When it comes to a sign like this, it’s important to note that if you start on Casual Friday, and are comparing that to what he wears on Monday of next week, then this isn’t a sign. You might just be looking at his casual duds versus his more formal duds. But if Monday-Thursday he dresses casual and then following week he dresses nice every single day…and even dresses up his Casual Friday look…then that might be a sign of interest.
24. Does the person miss you when you aren’t there? This question is kind of self-explanatory, but if you return after a day off or vacation and they mention missing you while you were gone…that is definitely a sign you’re important to them. Some people have more casual ways of expressing this, such as, “You’re never allowed to go on vacation again.” Any indication of missing you though, could possibly be a sign.
25. Everyone else thinks he’s a jerk, but he’s nice to you. I was never one to care what other people think – especially after seeing who they truly were over time. But if several people feel that the guy who might be into you is a complete jerk, but he’s nothing but nice and helpful to you, this could be a sign that he is into you.
26. They laugh at your jokes. Even if they didn’t like you at first, if you’re able to make someone laugh, have a good time, and forget about life’s stresses, someone could grow to like you over time – which is another point I’ll be going over later in this article.
27. Does this person support your decisions and goals? Briefly covered in another section. But if this person is your biggest cheerleader, and supports your decision, even if its at their own expense, that is a sign that they care about you.
28. Does this person lean on you for emotional support or confide in you? We women tend to lean and sometimes we confide. By nature, we are great communicators and expressive of our feelings. But when a man opens up to you, talks to you about how he feels – about just about anything, it’s a big deal. He is showing you that he trusts you, values your opinion, or at least your ability to be a good listener. When a man opens up to you, especially a grown man in his upper twenties, thirties, forties, and older, don’t take it lightly. The same goes for him talking about his personal life, and things he might be dealing with on a personal level.
29. Does this person try to cheer you up when you’re down? This is something that friends do, so this one could just be indicative of friendship. It’s also indicative of a deep connection, though, so it’s worth mentioning. If someone goes out of their way to try to cheer you up, you are important to them. They care about you. They want to see you happy.
30. Does the connection you have with this person feel strong, deep, and organic? There have been some friendships and relationships in the past that might have felt a little forced. Or maybe it felt like they only came to be because you and someone else were in the right place, at the right time in your lives. But with this person, the connection feels like it’s on a deeper level. You feel like you have an understanding and appreciation for each other that is completely organic. Minus the initial few conversations, your conversations grow easier on time, your joking and teasing with each other become like a second nature, and your support of each other automatic…
…Which brings me to one point that I wanted to emphasize. Rather than analyzing about whether or not someone likes you, spend your time and energy getting to know who they are as a person. If you were wondering this about a person you’ve already known and been friends with for years, then you more than anyone else besides him, should know whether or not he’s giving off vibes that he likes you.
Usually a guy will have no qualms with letting a girl know that he’s into him. There are some environments that will prohibit this a bit. Work being a major one. There are definite potential downsides to dating someone you work with. For this reason it can be difficult to read someone’s intentions with you, since they may want to disguise their feelings for you as to not make your work lives awkward or uncomfortable. We must remember that if we are sitting around agonizing over whether or not someone likes us, they could be doing the very same thing – trying to break down your actions and whether or not you like them. Keeping this in mind will help to ease and calm some of your nerves. One of the best pieces of advice that I’ve read in my research has been to assume that they like you already. This will allow you to take so much focus out of analyzing their behavior and allow you to be the carefree, happy, fun-loving person that drew the person to you in the first place. Despite me advising that, some of you will continue to analyze. You just can’t help it. To those people, I say…
After reading this list, try to make note of the different items on the list that apply, and weigh them – but also keep in mind that a lot of the items on this list point towards someone caring about you. That could be as friends, or more. And even if they only want friendship from you now, they could always want more later – if you are in the present, here and now, showing them who you are in all of your adorable, fun, quirky, smart, at times dorky glory.