Dating Mistake #1: Forcing It

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Dating in this day and age has lost a lot of its charm from previous decades. I won’t rehash the hows and whys here, because they have already been presented in great detail in the Dating in 2017 article. But what if I told you that a lot of the things both men and women are doing wrong are easily avoidable? This is the entire theme behind what I am calling the Dating Mistakes Series – a series of blog posts that will help you avoid the big no-no’s that take you from potential couple to permanently friend zoned.

One of the scariest periods of dating is that almost period. It’s the period where you have kind of sort of gotten to know each other, but aren’t yet dating or a thing…the dreaded limbo. There is definite flirting going on, definitely hinting at something that could be. But maybe he or she isn’t asking you out or making the next move to take it from flirty friends to something real.

First of all, one must learn to appreciate this period of time. This is the period of time that comes with a ton of excitement. You have something to look forward to: a bunch of cute, flirty moments. Everything is up in the air and you don’t know what’s going to happen, or when it’s going to happen. There is something beautiful in that, and that tends to get missed. Why? Because of expectations and impatience.

I see women make this mistake way more often than I see men make this mistake. There could be valid reasons behind that – after all, we do have those cursed biological clocks that are ticking away, reminding us of our mortality and of the limited time we have in bearing children. There is also the occasional familial pressure to marry. When our families get tired of pressuring us to marry, they often resort to downright mean jokes that we’ll wind up lonely with a bunch of cats and a weekly ogle of our future poolboy Gustavo will be the extent of our sex lives. By stark contrast, men have significantly more time than we do when it comes to being able to being able to naturally contribute to the conception of children. While they definitely get familial pressure to marry, the hounding doesn’t usually start quite early as it does for us ladies.

But that is neither here nor there. When we women see a man we like and we get to know him, and he’s amazing, everything in us screams that we want to have him now. There are those cute, flirty moments, and those shared glances, and the brushing up against each other, and inside jokes, and we think to ourselves, We might as well be dating…so why aren’t we dating? We get along so well, we have the same sense of humor and like the same kinds of movies, so why isn’t he asking me out? Or… We’ve hung out a few times, but he let’s so much time lapse between when we hang out?

Something that women might want to realize is that men love the early flirting stages. They like those cute, flirty moments, they like not knowing what’s going to happen next, and they like the chase. Sound familiar? So many dating articles have attempted to knock us over the top of the head with this message but when it comes to a true crushing situation, we fail to reach back into the cobweb-riddled corners of our mind and remember, Hey – he probably hasn’t asked me out yet because he likes this whole flirty dance that we have going on.

Mind you, there could be other reasons why he isn’t asking you out. He could have a girlfriend, he could be more focused on his career and getting his life together – because there are tons of men out there who would prefer to have his career and life together before settling down. Another important tidbit of information. If you two work together, he could be trying to take things slow, to gauge your levels of crazy. If you two started dating and it didn’t work out, are you the type of woman who would key his car and slash his tires the minute you hear he’s dating someone else? Or maybe he doesn’t believe in dating co-workers at all. There could be a valid reason as to why he’s not asking you out, but for the sake of this article we are going to assume that he likes you as much as you like him, and he is interested in having something more with you.

Men like those early flirty stages, and the truth of the matter is that a lot of us could learn from men in this regard. We should love the early flirty stages, too. Let’s separate from the mantra of I need a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend, I hate being single, and open our eyes to the man we are flirting with. This is the period when we really get to know him, what he finds funny, what pisses him off, how cute he can be, how much of a dick he can be. Instead of obsessing over claiming him, how about opening up yourself to really getting to know him? How about giving him the chance to charm you so much that you’d be willing to give up the freedom of being single, just because he is that amazing?

When you have a carefree, flirty friendship with someone, do not taint the experience by putting a bunch of pressure onto yourselves. Don’t set up expectations that he will be asking you out within the next few weeks, because that is setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t scheme and obsess about trying to get him to ask you out either, because now you are erring on the side of manipulation. Do not attempt to force a relationship in any way, because that is one of the quickest ways to take you from potential girlfriend to permanently friend zoned.

Relationships should happen naturally, organically. The two of you should gravitate towards each other, maybe due to physical attraction initially – then due to shared interests. Once you get a feel for each others’ humor is when you can begin exchanging jokes, light teasing, and banter. Allow that friendship/relationship to grow on its own while you continue to live your life and better yourself. Because there is nothing sexier or more attractive than a woman with her own life, own goals, own interests, who is on a consistent quest of bettering herself.

You don’t have to trick a man into asking you out. When he sees your natural glow and happiness, your passions, your sense of humor, your sensual side, and your caring side, and your ability to go with the flow…it will only be a matter of time.

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